


Misconception

by Desirae



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Happy Ending, Hiatus fic, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e20 Beside Still Water, Soulmates, Understanding Magnus Bane, episode coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 13:29:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13412277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desirae/pseuds/Desirae
Summary: “Alexander, I believe you are under the misconception that you were far more emotionally crippled by our separation than I was."Alec and Magnus have a much-needed conversation about their time apart.





	Misconception

**Author's Note:**

> This is a scenario that has been plaguing me since the finale. I prefer the television series to the books or the movie, so my Malec head-canon is portrayed by the amazing Harry&Matt, but obviously, feel free to picture whomever you choose!
> 
> Enjoy&thanks for reading:)

 

The walk back to the loft was a quiet affair.  Alec imagined they both had a lot on their minds. Magnus had offered to create a portal, raising his hand with a flourish, rings glinting in the glow of the streetlights, until Alec had reached out, long fingers wrapping around his wrist to stop him.

"That's enough for today," Alec said, allowing himself to trail his fingers down to Magnus' palm until they slotted together. He found himself blowing out a breath he wasn't even aware of holding until he felt Magnus squeeze his hand, gently.

Alec was unsteady. His world felt off-kilter like he was out of step with everything around him.  Alec looked down at their linked hands as they walked. Magnus had said he had thought that he had to choose between him and the downworld. Only now he didn't.  But what did that mean? Were they officially back together? Did they pick up where they left off, sharing a bed and I love yous'? Or was it like a reset back to the beginning? Further, if Valentine hadn't died, would Magnus still be giving him the cold shoulder and calling him _Shadowhunter_ in that bored, disdainful tone?

It all made Alec very nervous. His stomach was jumpy and his throat was tight. All he really knew was that he couldn't lose Magnus. Not again. Whatever his terms were, Alec would agree to them.

"A penny for your thoughts, my dear?" Magnus' silky voice pierced the quiet as they ambled down the quiet street, and Alec side-eyed him.

"Just happy to be with you is all," Alec said, a small smile stealing across his face.

"As am I, Alexander," Magnus replied, with another soft press of his fingers. As usual, Alec melted a little on the inside at the caress of his full name across Magnus' lips.

The walk to the high rise was quicker than he would have liked. It's not that he didn't want to go home with Magnus. _By the angel, did he_. He just felt that this on the precipice moment they were straddling, may be safer than what lay inside.

Magnus opened the doors to his loft with a smooth flick of his wrist, but he jerked to a stop when he realized that Alec seemed glued to the floor of the foyer.

Alec opened his mouth to say something, anything, but the words were stuck, and he found himself pitching forward, bracing his hands on his thighs. There was a slight roaring in his head and he distantly heard Magnus calling his name with concern. The cool air of the loft, always carrying a hint of spice, washed over him and Alec forced himself to breathe deep and exhale. He felt a gentle hand rubbing up and down his back as his heart rate settled back to normal.

_What the fuck was that?_

“Alexander? Hey, hey, look at me,” Alec felt warm hands cup his cheeks, the metal of Magnus’ rings warm against his skin. “What’s going on, Shadowhunter?”

Alec’s breath hitched at that, such a contrast from the last time that word had crossed his warlock’s lips.

Alec managed a half smile, huffing out a small laugh. “I… I think I just had a mini panic attack or something. I’m okay.”

Magnus looked like he wanted to argue but Alec headed him off. “I’m fine, Magnus, I promise.”

“I was going to make us cocktails,” Magnus began as he pulled Alec along to the sitting room, “ but perhaps some chamomile would be better,” he said, eyeing Alec speculatively.

“Whatever you’re having is fine,” Alec assured him.

Magnus looked him up and down, concern etched across his features, though a soft smile played about his lips. “Alright. Well, then, why don’t you go change into something more comfortable,” Magnus reached out to push Alec’s jacket over his shoulders, tugging his arms out of the sleeves, and sending the garment out of sight with a wave.

Alec clasped his hands behind his back to keep from fidgeting as he cocked his head at Magnus.

“I didn’t bring anything with me,” he said with a strained laugh, “so this is as comfortable as I am going to be, Magnus.”

Magnus just looked at him, quizzically. “Did you forget where the wardrobe is, my dear? Go get something out of your drawer.”

“I still have a drawer?” the question tumbled out, shock coloring his tone and Magnus stared at him in surprise.

“Did you imagine I threw all your clothes away?” he teased but Alec just nodded, which seemed to chase the amusement from Magnus’ face.

“Yeah. I mean, kinda. I figured you either…” Alec raised his hand and wiggled his fingers in a far less elegant impersonation of Magnus using his magic, “or I don’t know, burned them or something.”

Magnus was looking at him with wide, wounded eyes and Alec rushed to explain. “I wouldn’t have been mad or anything, so don’t be upset. It’s just, that’s what usually happens, right?” Alec’s mouth felt dry, and his stomach twisted uncomfortably. He didn’t want to talk about this, wished he had the power to fast forward to the part where he and Magnus were in sync again. “Couples break up, then you burn each other’s clothes and, I don’t know, have sex with inappropriate people.”

“Did you have sex with somebody else?”

The outraged question made Alec sputter as he scoffed with disgust,”Of course not, I’m in love with _you_ .” It was said in such a way that the _duh_ was implied.

“But you thought that I might?” Magnus’ voice was deceptively soft, brows arched haughtily and Alec felt a chill run down his spine. He looked imploringly into the warlock’s eyes.

“No..it’s just something I have observed from all of those inane mundane shows Izzy has me watch,” Alec says, rolling his eyes. “In this one show, this couple was on a break and-”

An astonished bubble of laughter erupted from Magnus.

“Darling, you can’t judge our relationship by what you see on a sitcom,” Magnus sighed, the sound somehow conveying both sadness and disappointment.

Alec had to fight crossing his arms defensively. “How the hell am I supposed to know that? You’re my first...everything,” Alec paused and Magnus gave him a little nod of encouragement. “I’m not the one who wanted to break up,” his continued, quiet, but shaky. “And that’s not an accusation. I’m not blaming you. I understand why you left me. I broke your trust. And I know how rare it is for you to let your guard down and I...I can’t really begin to figure out how I earn it back,” Alec swallowed past a lump in his throat. “But my point is that I wouldn’t be mad if you had done those things. The burning of the clothes, and the…,” he trailed off because he didn’t really want to say it again, “a little more heartbroken than I already was maybe, but not angry,” he said ruefully. “I’m just saying that we were in different headspaces. You were angry with me, you didn’t want to see me or talk to me, and I was just ...broken.  I wasn’t thinking about anything aside from work. It was all I could let myself think about, or I wouldn’t have been able to function.”

The air was heavy with everything Alec had just purged and at some point, Magnus had lost control of his glamour, because his shimmering cat’s eyes were locked on his. Magnus with his glamour down was devastatingly beautiful. Alec would often catch himself just staring in awe that this utterly stunning soul even glanced in his direction.

Magnus moved closer until they were chest to chest. He tilted his head up, eyes blazing, and Alec almost forgot to breathe.

“Alexander, I believe you are under the misconception that you were far more emotionally crippled by our separation than I was. That the cold shoulder I gave you was born of indifference,” Magnus’ gaze didn’t waver as his hands ran up Alec’s arms, coming to loop around his neck and he inhaled sharply. Magnus smelled of sandalwood and a wisp of cinnamon and all Alec wanted to do was bury his face in the golden skin of his neck and just breathe him in. “Because I can assure you, that is so very far from the truth. Do you think when I say that I love you, that those are just words?” Magnus’ voice was warmed-honey. “That they somehow have a deeper meaning for you than they do for me?” Alec was relieved to find that Magnus didn’t seem angry, so much as genuinely curious.

Alec unclenched his hands from behind his back and brought them to rest on Magnus’ hips, rubbing gently through the silk of his of his suit jacket.

“No, of course not. I know that you love me, Magnus. You wouldn’t say it if you didn’t mean it. It’s just...different. You’re the love of my life. There will never be anyone else for me,” Alec smiled, happy with the thought.  “It is my privilege to love you,” he said, hands now wrapping around the small of Magnus’ back. “but just because you are the love of my life, doesn’t mean I am the love of yours. So I think it’s easier for you to cut people out when necessary. I think cutting _me_ out, was easier.”

Magnus moved so quickly that it took a moment for it to register that a pair of plush pink lips were pressed against his own. The hands behind his neck crept up to fist in Alec’s hair as a soft brush of tongue had Alec parting his lips with a sigh. He sank into the kiss, relishing in the addictive taste of Magnus;  sweet, and tangy with whatever cocktail he had last sipped. Unlike in the alley, this kiss was deep, and Alec wasn’t ashamed to hear himself whimper. When Magnus pulled back, Alec chased, clutching his love to him and diving in for more. They explored each other’s mouths, little gasps escaping as their lips clung and parted and clung again.

Near breathless, Alec broke off the kiss and leaned down, resting his brow against Magnus’, who had his eyes closed, panting softly.

“I was cold to you because if I wasn’t, I would have fallen apart. I was hanging on by a thread, and I can tell you honestly, Valentine, dead or not, you would have wound up back in my arms.” Magnus whispered before pulling back to look up at him, cat’s eyes gleaming. “But I was just so angry. And I know why you kept the information about the soul sword from me. I can see your reasoning. I know you weren’t trying to betray me, but...”

“But I did.”

Magnus inclined his head. “But you did. Though I never stopped loving you, Alec, not once.”

Alec huffed out a relieved laugh. “Thank the angel for that.”

“You are the love of my life as well, Alexander,” Magnus stated, and Alec felt his heart trip in his chest. “Another part of why I was so upset with you was that the fact that I have been doing research on how to become mortal for you, and to not be able to trust-”

Alec sucked in a breath and his hands moved to grip Magnus’ shoulders. “You were what? You were...for me?”

“I kept trying to picture what living without you forever would feel like, and I simply couldn’t fathom it. I have loved deeply and lost before and those times were excruciating, but going through that with you?” Magnus pulled Alec’s face down for a quick, hard kiss, “I just can’t. You’re my true soulmate, Alexander. I believe that from the bottom of my heart, I feel it to the very depth of my bones.” Alec felt Magnus’ ring clad thumb brush at his cheekbones and suddenly realized that tears had begun to fall down his face and he hadn’t even noticed.

“Then I guess it’s safe for me to confess that I have been looking for ways to become immortal. The idea of leaving you behind...if there is a way that I can stay with you, I want to find it, Magnus. I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me. You’re the High Warlock of Brooklyn. You’re too special to become a mortal, you’re too important to your people,” Alec said earnestly.  “Perhaps a spell, a rune. Maybe Clary could...she’s created runes on her own…”

“Alright, Shadowhunter,” Magnus said with a tenderness that took the last of the sting from the way he had said it just that very morning. “Tomorrow we can debate on who is more important, and which avenue of options we’d like to pursue. But for now, my dear, I believe it is time for us to get some sleep. I don’t know if you’re aware, but you are practically swaying in my arms from exhaustion.”

He hadn’t, in fact, noticed, that he was dead on his feet until Magnus pointed it out. He covered his face as if by just the thought of it, a huge yawn overtook him.

“Sorry,” he said with a quirk of his lip. “I haven’t really been sleeping.”

“Neither have I. Come on, darling,”

Magnus dragged a hand down Alec’s arms, and tangled their fingers together, as, without words, they headed back to the bedroom. With his free hand, Magnus snapped his fingers, a little swirl of blue surging for a quick second. Alec was now shirtless and wearing a pair of green and blue plaid sleep pants, Magnus in deep purple silk.

The crawled under the thick duvet and Alec curled around Magnus, feeling at peace for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Magnus snuggled back against Alec and sighed. _“Aku cinta kamu, tercinta.”_

Alec pressed a kiss to the top of Magnus’ head and breathed in sandalwood laced with cinnamon.

“I love you, too,” he murmured, eyes slipping shut. With the ache in his heart eased, Alec fell asleep easy, for the first time in days, confident that whatever came in the morning, they would face it together.

The End

 

**Author's Note:**

> Aku cinta kamu, tercinta : I love you, beloved.


End file.
